Most people avoid battlefields that they know they are going to get destroyed in. But, then there are those people who are like me and are naive enough to think that they are strong enough to fight off any temptation, even temptations that kill us everytime. Since being home, that is what it has been. A constant battlefield. I never realized how "sheltered" I was at school from these things. Of course, I don't think, I act first. I am starting to think if I even want to change. I know that I don't constantly mess up, but it has been getting worse lately and I don't really know why. I wish that I could figure that out. That is another issue...I have to analyze everything that is wrong in my life and won't settle until I completely understand. Maybe sometimes it is a good thing that I analyze everything, but do I seriously have to dwell on everything like I do? And, you would think that dwelling on it and contemplating it would cause me to understand more and to see the negative to all that I am doing! But, no! I continue to follow deception and I am worried that I am going to end up in the lifestyle that I had a couple of years ago, and I definetely do not want that. I know that it is something that I do not want, but how do I cause myself to hate it so much that it is not even appealing anymore? Sin is fun. Of course it is! It is how we handle sin that is the big issue. And, as of right now, I am not handling it well because of my stupidity and me being so naive to think that I am strong when I am so very, very weak!
