I have been trying so hard to fight for myself lately. I will use everything and anything (except for God) to try and work my problems out. Lately, the decisions that I have been making are not so great. I have formed relationships that are not best for me, and when I am down and sad I turn to those relationships. I have found replacements for God in almost every situation that I have had in the past couple weeks. I am so tired of doing this. Emotionally, I am exhausted. Every night I go to bed hoping and praying for the heaviness of everything that I have done to go away. Every morning I wake up discouraged by the fact that I have to go through yet another day of dealing with the mistakes that I have made. Of course I went to God and asked for forgiveness, but the pain and memories of what I did are still there. There will be consequences to my mistakes, as there is for every mistake that we make, and I have come to an understanding of them and how I am going to deal with them exactly. Friday, I go home. I know that home is more of a battlefield than any other place. This is going to be a tough summer, I already know it. Finals are done with. I thank God for giving me enough strength and energy to complete them and to be able to prepare myself enough. Right now, I surrender. He was right, through Christ we can do all things...I have learned that through myself alone, I cannot.
