Crying out to the Lord - January 22, 2007 entry

January 22, 2007

Good Morning Sweet Lord,

Ah, guess the opposition that has come against me in writing You should me of no surprise to me. But, it took me off guard. My intent was to write in this three times a week, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. A whole week has gone by and I have not done what I had set out to do. Please forgive me Holy One. I feel so weak, so shameful not honoring You as I should. Please, please Holy Spirit, help me to overcome the opposition that sets itself before me so that I might honor my King, my Beloved as my heart so years to do. I ask this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Jesus, I do not know of all the opposition that You went through when You walked this earth. Not everything is written down in the Holy Scriptures but we know that there is more than we can imagine that has been left unwritten. Oh, how I long to walk in Your strength, Your glory to bless You and our heavenly Father. But I seem to walk so short of doing that. Please forgive me. My heart is breaking as I write this. Jesus, my sweet Jesus, I so feel like a failure and all I can do is run into Your loving arms, needing You to hold me, to strengthen me, to help me so that I can go on. I know our heavenly Father has a plan for my life and for Billy’s and that it is good so I cling to this truth as I cling to You. I need that day when we walk in the promises the Holy Spirit has placed in our hearts come to be. Jesus, Jesus, I cannot tell You how deeply it hurts to see my sweet husband struggle for words. It is tearing my heart apart and then I find myself warring against making my heart shut off from the pain it is feeling and from keeping it soft, pliable to the workings the need be done in it. It hurts so deeply. I know You know of what I speak. You have experienced all that each of us going through. Please, please, help us to walk in abundant faith and in manifested healing so that we can shower Your goodness and healing upon others in Your name.

I suppose I should explain a little bit about what has been happening since I have not been journaling. For several weeks, perhaps a few months, I have noticed Billy having difficulty putting his words together to express his thoughts. I prayed that he was just going through a difficult time due to all the issues we have had to face over this past year or so, his surgery, my surgery, his loss of job, change in medical treatment, concern for our youngest daughter, worry about financial situations, etc., etc.....

NOTE:
For whatever reason, this journal entry was not completed. Perhaps it was a time of resting in His arms and finding some strength. There are times when words cease as His presence fills. Hallelujah! Glory to God!