Does God want me to suffer?

August 26, 2004


Good Morning Sweet Lord,

What a glorious day it is because You are in it! Hallelujah! There is such joy and peace in my heart and I thank You for that. I thank You for making my birthday so special, for blessing me with the beautiful family You have given me, starting with my parents, siblings, husband, children, children given to us through marriage, grandchildren, friends, spiritual family. Hmmm, Lord, maybe one day I will spend on just thanking You for the many blessings You have placed around us and that we often take for granted without even lifting up a word of appreciation to You, to our heavenly Father. Forgive us for our ungratefulness. Holy Spirit, please teach us to be children continually praising our God and our Lord for all the goodness He has blessed us with and that He Is, in Jesus' name I pray. Amen!

Lord, now to continue on with what You showed me about the fast. Let's pick up on the last day of the fast, when I was feeling strange and could see where the fast had taken a toll on my body. I thought of when You fasted for 40 days. As far as I know, You didn't have the fruit and vegetable juices, etc. I had. I could only image how You must have felt! I remember thinking the night before last, "Lord, are You going to send angels to minister to me as they ministered to You? (he he) Well, I haven't seen any angels (then again, maybe I could count my family, and friends in here!) but I definitely feel ministered to. Thank You so much!

It is clear to me that this fast came as a cost to the physical body. Tuesday I wrote in this journal, when my body was really feeling weak, these words pertaining to how my body would have felt justified in breaking the fast, "After all, God doesn't want me to suffer, does He?" Well, You have shown me that it's not a matter of God wanting me to suffer. It's a matter that I must suffer if I am to reach the full potential of whom I am to be in Christ Jesus and Who He is to be in me - much like an athlete must suffer the hours of physical training and sacrifice to reach his/her desired goal, or a doctor-to-be has to go through the many hours of training, study and dedication, years of preparation before acquiring that "M.D." behind his or her name. It is a process that has a cost and we are mistaken to think otherwise. Yes, God wants us to suffer because He knows it is needed in our lives if we are to be conformed into the image of His Son. We must die to self so that Christ might live in us. Oh, God won't stop loving us if we don't grow up in Him but any consequences that occur in our lives because of our actions, or lack of them, will rest on our own heads and not His! Holy Spirit, please help us to grow up in Him, I pray!

That being said, let me explain here that it will not be by our own strength that we will be able to "grow up." It is only by His spirit in us that the change will take place and through a deep desire for Him and His will in our lives. Lord, Your Word says we grow from glory to glory, faith to faith. It is a process and if we allow ourselves to be submitted to You this process will go forward but even then we have to recognize that it is Your Spirit within us. If we try to do anything out of our own strength we might find ourselves falling into pride and saying, "see what I did!" that is why we have to learn to lean on the Holy Spirit to guide and instruct us, and to recognize that we have Christ in us, the hope of glory. Hallelujah!

Galatians 5:17 says, "For the flesh sets it's desires against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; for these are in opposition to one another, so that you may not do the things you please." If we want to walk n the spirit realm we are going to meet opposition with our flesh! If the Spirit of God puts it upon us to fast, our flesh is going to object (such as mine was doing towards the end of the fast.) We, as God's children, have to decide who we are going to serve - Him or our flesh! It is as simple as that.
There will be times that our flesh will come up with reasons not to be obedient to God but the more we press on, knowing that we have His Spirit within us and drawing upon His strength, the more we will become stronger in Him. In order for Christ to manifest in us, we have to die to self and allow His Spirit to arise within us. One day we will be changed in a twinkling of an eye, but now our growth in Him is a progression, step by step, glory to glory (Christ in me - the hope of glory!). The more I allow the Holy Spirit to do a work in me, the closer to His glory I become, or rather the more His glory is able to shine in me.

Some might think it is too great a sacrifice to die to self, to submit one's flesh and life to the leading of the Holy Spirit and to the obedience of God but I can say, "you cannot out give God." Whatever you give to and for God is far out weighed by God's blessings that come to you. Lord, You have become so much more real to me and yet I know this is only the beginning of getting to know You more. Holy One, what I have to give You far pales in comparison to what You have already given me. Your love envelopes me and I am lost in the beauty and warmth of Your arms. Thank You, Dear One. You are my Beloved and I am Yours. What a blessing....